This talk delves into the gendered nature of niceness and the ways in which it plays out in the workplace. Historically, girls are more often socialized to be nice and to be people-pleasers, and boys are taught to expect this from girls and women as well. People-pleasing covers a wide range of behaviors, but at its core shows itself as the unwavering desire to appear "nice." This makes it difficult (or impossible even) for people-pleasers to say "no," to be honest with others about their needs, or to have boundaries to protect themselves. 

People-pleasing can be seen in all aspects of our lives: in romantic relationships, with family and friends, and even at work. This session aims to help people understand when and why they’re people-pleasing, as well as the detrimental effects of living life trying to please others.

Participants will learn:

• The difference between “nice” and “kind”

• Simple strategies to stop people-pleasing and to set boundaries, such as the “pause” technique and the “check-in”

• How to reframe conflict as a constructive, and relationship-building, opportunity

This talk explores the intersection of gender and queerness in the workplace by examining the ways expectations of “niceness” play out in the workplace. Although queer people tend to have more expansive ideas around gender, we often work in largely straight workplaces. 

What do we expect of our colleagues based on their gender? And how nice are we expected to be based on how masculine or feminine we present? How do those in power, our peers, and our clients or customers treat us based on our gender? This talk will have opportunities for attendees to share their own experiences to help answer these questions.

Participants will:

• Have open discussion about gendered microaggressions in the workplace

• Understand that women and feminine-presenting people face tighter expectations and harsher consequences for not being “nice”

• Learn that other factors (such as race) also affect how people are expected to behave and the way they are treated in the workplace

How can you fundamentally shift your understanding of yourself in order to live more authentically? What obstacles and resistance will you face along the way? Is it ever too late?

In this talk, I share lessons from coming out as queer in my late 30s from a straight marriage, becoming a writer at 40, and realizing I’m autistic in my 40s. This session offers a candid look at the benefits of living authentically and the power of self-understanding and re-discovery.

Participants will:

• Understand the benefits of fundamentally changing your view of yourself

• Reflect on what authenticity means to them

• Consider the obstacles on their own paths to self re-discovery and living more authentically

“How to Stop People-Pleasing in Work and Life.” Humber College. Toronto, ON, May 27, 2024.

“How to Stop People-Pleasing in Work and Life.” Queer Tech Conference. Montreal, Quebec, November 1-2, 2023.

 “Storytelling: Growing into Your Authentic Self.” Queer Tech Conference. Toronto, Ontario, November 10-11, 2022.

“Future of News.” Panel Moderator: Conference: Liberal Arts and Sciences Interdisciplinary Conference: What’s Next?, Toronto, Ontario, Oct. 13-14, 2017.

 “Celluloid Memory.” Panel Moderator. Conference: Truth, Lies, and Manufacturing Memory. International Festival of Authors, Toronto, Ontario, Oct. 28-29, 2016.